Bhakti Song 73 – I need (your) relationship

உறவு வேண்டும்

உன்னோடு உறவு வேண்டும்

அதில் உள்ளான நிறைவு வேண்டும்

கல்லாகிப் போனபோதும் மனதுள்

கசிந்துருகும் உணர்வு வேண்டும்

சொல்லோடு செயலும் ஒன்றாய்

இல்லாத போது என்னில்

பொய்யான வாழ்வு ஒன்றே

மேலோங்கி என்றும் நிற்கும்

போராடித் தோற்றேன் நாளும்

பொழுதெல்லாம் என்னோடு நானும்

புனிதனே உன்னருள் வேண்டும்

புதுவாழ்வு என்னில் காண!

14-03-1995

 

English Translation

I need a relationship with you

And I should have inner contentment with it.

Even though I have become hard like a stone

I need a sense in my heart that should melt

When my words and life

Are not one and the same

A life of illusion will

Stand tall all the time.

I was defeated everyday

After struggling with myself

Oh Holy One I need your grace

To see a new life within me.

14-03-1995

 

 

Comments

A long spell of dryness in a relationship is unavoidable. But this dryness will be too much for a single person compared to others. Particularly in spiritual life, a sense of dryness often overcomes me. In theory I know that my feelings are not important. But this dryness has nothing to do with any feeling, emotion or experience. The snare in it is that as I have rejected the importance of emotion and feeling in bhakti, neither can I seek them nor can I blame them. Such dryness is more in my understanding, in my relationship with the Lord.

Several weeks and months have gone in my life where I would stand still allowing the Lord to move things around me as He wished. In those times I will try to pour my heart by writing songs, but words wouldn’t come. In fact, one time I wrote one poem when I felt some dryness within me and was unable to write any poem:

உணர்ச்சிகள் உறைந்து போனதால்

உணர்வுகள் இருண்டு போனதே

உணர்வுகள் இருண்டு போனதால்

கற்பனை வறண்டு போனதே

கற்பனை வறண்டு போனதால்

சொற்களும் தொலைந்து போனதே

சொற்களும் தொலைந்து போனதால்

எண்ணங்கள் தேங்கிப் போனதே

எண்ணங்கள் தேங்கிப் போனதால்

எழுத்துக்கள் உலர்ந்து போனதே

எழுத்துக்கள் உலர்ந்து போனதால்

என்னுள் வறட்சி வந்ததே

என்னுள் வறட்சி வந்ததால்

ஏதும் எழுத இயலவில்லை

 

As my senses become frozen

My feelings also become very dark

As the feelings become dark

Imagination becomes dry

As imagination becomes dry

I lost all the words too

As I lost the words

My thoughts become stagnant

As my thoughts become stagnant

All the letters become dry

As the letters become dry

A draught has come within me

As a draught came in me

I cannot write anything.

 

Of course when Kannan read this poem, he said, “So your dryness has also forced you to write a poem.” A person like me who is emotional to some extent and rational on the other side should feel often tossed between the two. When my reason refuses to accept emotion, my emotion won’t justify my reason. Then caught between a rock and a hard place, I feel that I am trapped and often feel some kind of dryness within me.

But in times of such dryness, instead of chasing some mirage I learnt to abide in the Lord allowing Him to do anything as He wished for my life.

18-7-14