Bhakti Song 83 – Self-Determination

சுய சித்தம்

சித்தம் இருந்தாலே போதுமோ?

என்சுய சித்தம் இருந்தாலே போதுமோ?

இனிஒருபோதும் இப்படிச் செய்யேன்

என்றே நான்செய்த தீர்மானம் என்ன?

ஆயினும் என்செயலை ஆராயும்போது

ஐயகோ என்சொல்வேன் வீழ்ந்தேனே பின்னே

சுயபெலத்தை மட்டும் நம்பியே நாமும்

செய்யும் தீர்மானம் ஆயிரமாயினும்

தெய்வத்தின் அருளும் சேராதவரை

வென்றிடமுடியாது இதுஇங்கு உண்மை!

19-01-1996. லக்னோ (உ.பி)


English Translation

Is my determination enough
That I won’t do this again?
What happened to the decision I took
That I won’t do this again?
But when I evaluated my work
What can I say? Again I failed!
Though we took thousands of decisions
Only depending upon our own strength
Unless accompanied with the grace of God
We can never become successful (in the decisions).

19-01-1996. Lucknow


This is my ongoing struggle even today. I think my temperament plays a leading role in all the decision that I took in life.  Particularly in my relationship with others, I decided several times not to be involved with that person’s life anymore. I won’t involve with the particular problem in that person’s life, etc.  But my temperament will never allow me to remain strong in it. This happened not only in my decision in my relationship with people but also in other activities. I attempted several times ‘no more diary writing’.  But still I continue. At the same time I cannot excuse myself by blaming or pointing to my temperament. The clash between my free will, God’s plan/will for me and my temperament is a constant struggle for me.