Bhakti Song 85 – Fill Me With Faith

நிறைத்திடு நம்பிக்கை

நம்பிக்கை எனக்கு உண்டு

ஆயினும் ஐயனே என்னுளே

போராடும் இம் மனதிலே

அவ நம்பிக்கையும் உண்டு!

என்னதான் செய்வேன் நானே?

நீக்கிட அதனையும் தானே?

முயன்றேனே நானும் பலமுறை

ஆனால் தோற்றேனே இதுவரை

கூறிடத் தேவையோ உனக்கு?

என்நிலை அறிந்த உனக்கு?

நீக்கி அவநம்பிக்கை என்னில்

நிறைத்திடு நம்பிக்கை மீண்டும்!

வாரணாசி (காசி)14-03-1996. மாற்கு. 9:24.


English Translation

I have faith
O Lord within me
But in this struggling heart
There is lack of faith also
What can I do?
To remove it from me?
I attempted several times
But defeated till this day
Is it necessary to tell you?
As you know me completely?
Remove lack of faith from me
And fill me with full of hope

Varanasi, 4-03-1996. Mark. 9:24.



One marked difference that I received after I became a bhakta of the Lord is my attitude both in worship and prayer.  Before knowing the Lord, when I sat down to do puja, I will pay more attention to follow the rituals in a prescribed manner. Any lapse in the ritual will not only affect the puja and in some cases will bring adverse result as the deity to whom such pujas will feel offended by not following the ritual properly.  Particularly when any vow was taken, then maximum care will be taken in following the rules and regulations.  When some bhaktas of Aiyappa met with some accident the immediate reason attributed would be defects in following the rules in the vow period which offended the god and they received punishment according to the level of lapse.  That is why even today when certain vows are taken to some ferocious goddesses severe warnings will be given in advance that any lapse in ritual will bring adverse result to the person herself.

Whereas in my bhakti in the Lord in my worship and prayer all the lapses in matter related to ethical issues, lack of faith and trust in the Lord, interpersonal relationship etc., will come more to my mind than the rules and regulations of a do and don’ts list related with rituals. Particularly the lack of faith will dominate my mind, though I will trust the Lord.  In serious issues a subtle voice will always echo within me saying, ‘pray, but be prepared for the worst’.  This lack of faith and hope is still there in my relationship with the Lord.  Whereas trusting the correct way of doing rituals gave confidence before, now rather than rituals, my lack of faith dominates
my mind more.  Though the Tamil word ‘Nambikkai’ is hope, here it is both faith and hope for me.  And when I was reading Mark 9:23-24, at Varanasi, I deeply thought about it and how I too identify with that father who cried to remove his disbelief.