Though a single person, I always celebrate relationship. But I have my own formulas which I worked out (AS A SINGLE PERSON) in handling my relationship with others.
In my request for others help and co-operation (as a sing person I cannot demand or expect—particularly like family people [more specifically between husband and wife]) I think more of their limitation to help me than my requirements.
Without think others limitation if I request others help and co-operation, they might do it for various reasons. But when they do it with their limitation then it will add more problems and further complicate my work. Then I will end up in rectifying the complication by spending more of my energy and time (and cost). So I not only count the cost of my own but also that of others when I seek their help and cooperation for me.
Let me give one example from my life. When I am need of a loan, instead of asking one person the entire amount, I generally divide it in small parts and request more people. Then it was not only easy for them to help but also easy for me to repay. I will first return to those who are in need of that money immediately than others. And some time I also use another trick. Suppose if I promise to return the loan within three months and if I cannot do that, then I will take a loan from another person and honestly return the money as I promised to the first person. Sometime I will end up in a circle that finally after a year or two I have to borrow from the very first person to whom I returned the loan as I promised to pay another person to keep my promise to him. As I honestly return the money in stipulated time, all will help and co-operate with me in right time and not out of their limitation.
The same I do in all my other requirements. One time I need to admit my mother in a hospital for two days. Though others come forward to go and stay with my mother to take care of her, yet I refused to accept their help. Because, I know that I can manage that time easily and spared (or saved) their help for my future requirement when I cannot manage on my own. Just because others come forward to help I never take advantage of it. At the same time I have seen several people take advantage of others help and generosity where they can manage on their own. And when they end up in a situation where they desperately need their help, already they might have exhausted all of them. One good old story will help me to convey my thought.
Most of you might have heard or read about the story of: ‘tiger comes. Though the moral of that story is bit different yet it could also help us. One shepherd while taking care of his herds shouted that a tiger has come. So others rushed to help. But as it was not true they get irritated. That foolish shepherd could have done it to test or tease others. This he has done repeated few more time. Finally when one day a tiger actually came, no one rushed to help him to save his sheep.
Though family people (particularly husband and wife) have every right to take advantage of their partner’s help to rest and relax (sometime even for a romance) yet one golden formula that I devised (as a single person) is: Know others limitation too.
Dayanand Bharati. Gurukulam. April 15, 2013.