This is written on 27-07-1988 at Madhubani when I faced a crucial problem in my life and seva. I felt completely deserted by others and that time I poured out my heart to the Lord.
நொந்து நொந்தே சமூகம் வந்தேனையா
நோக்கிப்பார் ஏழை என்னை நீயே
ஏதுசெய்வேன் வழி வேறு இல்லை
முக்தேசனேயன்றி கதி வேறு இல்லை
புரிந்திட மறுத்தாராம் பேதை என்நிலை
புகலிடம் எனக்கினி மாந்தரிடம் இல்லை
போதும் ஐயோஇனி வேண்டாம் தொல்லை
புனிதனே நீயன்றோ ஆறுதலின் எல்லை
நம்பியே இனிநான் யாரிடம் கூறுவேன்
நான்கொண்ட மனதின் பாரங்கள் யாவையும்
நண்பரோ அன்பரோ காணேன் இதுவரை
நாதனே உன்போல் என்நிலைப் புரிந்தோரை
யாதொரு குறையும் அவர்மீது நான்கூறேன்
யாவரும் என்போல பாடுள்ள மனிதரே
ஆயினும் அவர்மூலம் நீகாட்டும் பரிவினை
அருளிடு அடிமைக்கு மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை
Show your compassion
Look unto me O Lord this poor one
Who comes to your presence with much pain!
I don’t know what else can I do?
And there is no other refuge than Muktesan
Others refuse to understand me
And I don’t have refuge anymore among them
Enough Lord I don’t want any more trouble
O Holy one who is the end of my comfort
To whom shall I share by trusting any more?
All my heart’s burden?
I didn’t see any friend or dear one
Who can understand me like you?
I won’t accuse them any more
After all they too are mere human like me with lots of problems
Yet you give your compassion to this slave
Again one more time only through them (human)
The paradox and challenge in life is to understand the pain and blessing in human relationships. God cannot show His grace except through human agency. At the same time He has to work only through our limitation.
I often faced this crisis in my life. Being a single man I cannot openly share all of my struggles in life on various issues. When I tried to share it before, it became a gossip or a point to mock me. Similarly when other bachelors sought my counsel in some of their struggles, I generally avoid giving advice, particularly in their struggle of lust. My general counsel to them was like this: I know your struggle in this area. If you have decided to marry, better to seek advice from a family man. If you have decided to remain SINGLE then don’t seek advice from anyone.
This song was written when I was misunderstood for giving this advice to some bachelors who were serving with me. Then a new kind of gossip began to spread about me. Though I didn’t take it seriously, I learned one good lesson through that incident and generally avoided giving any kind of advice to anyone, even if they sought it. Now too, counselling is the one thing which I don’t like. My one eternal creed is: no matter how mature and experienced, a sannyasi is not a good person to give advice. That is why when anyone approaches me with any problem in life my regular response is: if you cannot get a solution to your problem in life from your parents and elders you cannot get it from a sannyasi. He is not a good model for you to imitate in life.
Added to this, my reclusive spirit also forces me to keep away from people and involving myself too much in their life struggles. At the same time I value the importance of human relationships. This may look like a contradiction to others, but for me this is the paradox of life—at least for a person like me. And I found a way through my poems to come out from that paradox in my life. Next to my poems, my personal diary also helps me a lot.