மரூபமலையில், மலையப்பனுக்கு முக்திநாதனுடன் தங்கிவிடுவது நல்லதாக முதலில் தோன்றியது. பிறகுதான் இறைவன் சித்தம்பற்றித் தேட ஆரம்பித்தான். அதைப்பற்றி தியானித்த போது எழுதிய பாடல்:
நம் மனநிறைவிற்காகச் சேவை செய்யாமல், பிறரின் தேவைக்காகவே செய்யவேண்டும் என்று எண்ணியபோது எழுதிய பாடல்:
அகம் அழிந்திட வேண்டும்
அகமது அழிந்திடவேண்டும் ஐயா
ஆன்மீகவாழ்விலும் வளம்பெற வேண்டும்
இகமதில் வாழ்ந்திடும் வாழ்வில் என்றும்
“சுய”மதை நீக்கிடவேண்டும் ஐயா–அகமது அழிந்திட….
“நான்” என்னும் எண்ணம் நாளும் ஓங்குதே
சுயநலம் பெரிதாய் என்றும் வளருதே
செய்திடும் செயலெல்லாம் என்நலம் கருதியே
ஜெயமெனக் கருள்வாய் இக்குணமீதிலே–அகமது அழிந்திட….
“நல்லோன்” என்றென்னை நாலுபேர் எண்ண
ஆடிய ஆட்டத்திற்கு அளவேதான் என்ன?
சொல்லொன்று செயலொன்று என்றே வாழும்
சிறுமை தன்னை நீக்கிட வாரும்–அகமது அழிந்திட….
“துறந்தே உன் சுயமதைநீயும்தானே
சுமந்தே எந்தன் சிலுவை தனையே
ஏகிடு என்பின்னே” என்றே உரைத்த
ஐயனே உன்னடி நானும்பின் செல்ல–அகமது அழிந்திட….
19-02-1992. Gonda or 1993 கெகரஹா (ரீவா, ம.பி)
‘Self’ should perish O Lord
I should progress in my spiritual life
I should remove my ‘ego’
When I live this life on earth
‘Myness’ is growing every day
Selfishness is growing manifold
Everything that I do is keeping only my interest
Give me victory over this nature
What kind of drama that I have played
For others to think of me as a good person
But remove my mean mindedness as
I live a life of contradiction from my action with my word
To follow you, who said:
‘By taking up your cross
By renouncing your ego follow me’
My ego should be perished.
19-02-1992. கெகரஹா (ரீவா, ம.பி)
‘Job satisfaction’ is a common view that I have often heard. There is nothing wrong in it as it gives some motivation for us to carry further and venture new endeavours. However after I became a bhakta of the Lord, I realized that even I have to give up this ideal too. Several times in my life God put me in such situations where I never found any satisfaction in what I was doing. Yet I carried it out as I cannot overrule my situation. Many have faced similar situations —not only in their job but also in life. However, they carry it out of compulsion or with some inner grudge or dissatisfaction. But soon I realized in the Lord that when I began to see it as God’s purpose not only for what I do to His Kingdom but also for my life, I happily surrendered.
This is true even today. I don’t want to leave ashram and come and live here at Mathigiri. But as I accepted it as God’s purpose both for my life and seva (to my mother as well as to others), some kind of peace helps me to do my part happily and faithfully. This is one formula that I often follow: when I submit myself to God’s purpose and will, I need not carry my own burden. What I mean by my own burden is that already, whether I like it or not, I have to carry the burden of my responsibility. But if I do it with some inner grudging, then it creates tension, anxiety and irritation which increases my burden more. Then I began to react on everything instead of soberly responding to the demands that arises out of my responsibility. Vijay some times with a smile and laugh asks, ‘How do you manage Patti who always has some complaint against you?’ But my mother’s complaints often make me to laugh rather than irritate me. Because I see her complaints from her point of view. As I am her son and I alone suggested to move to Mathigiri, so she has every right to complaint. Instead of reacting to it, if I soberly respond to it, it lightens my heart and makes me laugh by seeing her childlike demands (which she cannot make with my brother during his visit for few days even). So seeing God’s purpose and will in everything helps me to not add my own burden (like grudge, irritation, etc.).
Finally I see that God allows certain things in order to mould me and shape me. And any lack of satisfaction is God’s discipline to correct myself as He loves me.
I know it is easily said than done. But I take it as a tapasya. We all know well that our Lord is a very hard task Master—ready to help but refusing to accept disobedience.