Bhakti Song 41 – One more time

In the morning of 15-12-1992, the verses from Mark 1:40-41 forced me to think deeply. Then I wrote this song.

 

மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை

சித்தமுண்டே ஸ்வாமி என்னை

இக்கணம் சுத்தமாக்க உனக்கு

தொட்டதோ பலமுறைதான்

ஆனால் சுத்தமாகவில்லை எதனால்?

நொறுங்குண்ட நெஞ்சமோ

நறுங்குண்ட ஆவியோ

நேர்மையோ வாய்மையோ

என்னில் நீகாணததால்

தள்ளினையோ என்னையும்

தயைஇல்லையோ உன்னுள்ளும்?

நீயளித்த வாக்கும் எங்கே?

என்பாரம் நீக்கிடவே?

ஏன்விட்டாய் என்னையும்

என் இஷ்டம்போல் வாழவே?

ஏதுதான் இதற்குக் காரணம்

இக்கணமே சொல்லிடுவாய்

பாரினில் உன் பாதமன்றி

பற்றிடவேறு ஏது கண்டேன்?

அதனால் பாதகன் மீதிறங்கி

பரிவாக மீண்டும் தொட்டிடுவாய்!

 

English Translation

Lord you have the will

To cleanse now itself

You have touched me several times

But why haven’t I become pure yet?

Did you reject me?

Don’t you have mercy on me?

As I don’t have a broken heart

Or constraint spirit

Or you could not see in me

Honesty and transparency?

Where is your promise?

That you gave to unload my burden

Why you allowed me to live

As I like?

Tell me the reason

For this now itself

Where else can I found?

To cling on this world except your feet?

Therefore by showing mercy to this rascal

Touch me one more time.

Notes

One thing that I found strange in my early walk in my bhakti was that whenever I read the Muktiveda, rather than bring encouraged by God’s blessings and promises, I felt more guilt and shame as my meditation ended, finally thinking about my wretched condition of present life or the sins of the past. Even the blessings and promises never came independently without any condition or command. In fact every promise presupposed some command. In other words, instead of creating a spirit of bhakti, the Muktiveda often creates some kind of guilty conscience.

One reason that I found was that the Muktiveda is neither a book on philosophy or ethics. Rather it is a work manual dealing with our relationship with both God and men. As most of the time our relationship with others are more selfish-oriented than service-oriented, the command of God to love God and one’s neighbour more points to my failures and sins than to exclusively think about the blessings and promises that the Muktiveda talks about. That is why even in my personal time with the Lord I cannot avoid my relationship and responsibility towards others which is more important for God. So both bhakti and mukti could be personal but not definitely.