Another rhetorical but useful debate on Vijay T.V. on 18-1-15 (9.00 to 11.00 pm, anchor Gopinath) on the same old topic of the relationship between husband and wife. This time the main theme was “Should a husband impose his own idealism at home without giving space for his wife?”
As expected, the wives shared their complaints about the husbands not understanding them and their needs. They complained about the dictatorial nature of husbands and how he would impose his idealism not only on the wife but also on the children.
The husbands shared why they wanted to mould and shape not only their wives but also the children to have a better life and make the best use of their time. They also shared their grievances about the lack of understanding and cooperation from their wives, not respecting them personally or professionally.
One of the three panelists, Oviya, was very firm in her comments about the failures of husbands which she shared with deep personal conviction. One point she made was noteworthy: one of the main reasons for the dominant attitude of men is that they have to prove their worthiness whereas there is no such need for women. To prove her worthiness, a woman has to be more talented than the man because of the setup of the society. That is why a woman is never under any pressure to prove her worthiness to a man. Only feminists have that kind of tension. But men are more extreme. Either they will dominate or completely surrender to the woman.
The previous evening in our causal dialogues, I said, “Men are cowards and don’t have the inner strength in them like a woman. The way a woman faces the challenges of life is more remarkable. It comes naturally to them, whereas a man needs to be trained for that, and usually trained by a woman.”
I agree that the social setup and the worldview of a particular community or country plays a major role in shaping the nature and character of a person. But I find that the way we are created differently (particularly in the important role a woman plays in bearing, begetting, and raising children), gives women an advantage over man in many ways. However the modern world demands the equal role of the parents in sharing the responsibility of a family. But the way a woman brings up her child can never be replaced or compensated by any man.
For example, imagine that the husband stays back at the home to do all the work while the wife earns for the family. His immediately begins with a lack of experience because the mother has the experience right from conception through birth that prepares her for the role of mother. A man must learn these things.
To say in other words, a woman can be good both in earning for the family and also taking care of it whereas a man struggles to shine in both areas simultaneously. I have seen many mothers who can easily play the role of a father and mother naturally and easily. But the father, however hard he tries, cannot play both roles easily and naturally.
Perhaps it is not in his genes. One previous panelist on Vijya T.V. said that he never inherited that capacity. (According to him, men in primitive societies went out to hunt and bring food and women stayed back to take care of the children, and therefore these roles became genetic. Since I am not a ‘gene’ specialist I cannot comment about such things).
No matter how we argue, discuss, or debate about the complimentary roles of men and women, in every way women are ahead of men, except perhaps in physical (muscular) strength. A few individuals like me may give up one crucial role of a woman as a wife in our lives. But no man will be complete without the noble contribution of a woman in one way or another in his life.
No matter how we claim equality between the genders, a woman stands tall before a man him in every respect. Although in practical life women are abused by men in many ways in our country, when it comes to real life, every Indian (except few crooked) at one time or another salutes her for her noble contribution in his life.
That is why the famous sloka claims (at least in theory) that yatra naari pujate; tatra ramate devata, where women are worshiped gods dwell there.
So a husband or father can try to impose his idealism on woman, but women are both idealists and practical, keeping a balance between the two and taking everyone along with them. A long time ago, I read in a Tamil novel (I think it was R.S. Nallaperumal) that a man knows how to put the dots in life but only a woman knows how to connect them to make it a beautiful kolam (rangoli, pattern).
As I thought about this subject, more thoughts came that I will share in a future post.
Db. 19-1-15. Gurukulam.